EXES

I find it so amusing how exes bang out gradually from nowhere when they never cross my mind anymore. I’m proud to say though that no matter how awful or okay my relationships with those boys ended, I became their good friend. We hung out for a while, ym, text, and never saw each other again for one reason or another.

My teenage-period-relationships were the most chaotic, I think. So the way I handled relationship after relationship is because of the lessons learned from aforesaid. Young love was always a tutorial, most dramatic yet classically cherished. It’s a tutorial because it’s when I got love education through experience. It’s when I personified my first kiss resembling what I saw in romantic movies. Oh, there are too many of them of course, but I’m talking about the closing of the eyes, the parting of lips slowly and tasting them afterwards. It was when I got goose bumps whenever our skin touches and eye contacts make me dairy-cream-melt. It was when I cried for the silliest reasons I could have just laughed about.

Most of them were started at a very wrong reason and time. Ok, maybe not wrong but not up to standard. I was conceivably unfair because I had to hide them in private and few only knew I wasn’t single then. I wasn’t as brave about my love life as I am now. I was afraid that my strict family would know and I knew then what they’re capable of doing. And to be safe, I called them all unofficial and deny my feelings towards them as long as. Being that made me do less sacrifices and compromises.

My exes faces weren’t as vivid anymore like the last time I saw them. The old feelings are long gone and I already forgot the most detailed things we have had. The monthsaries which most of them cared more than I did, the places we went to, the gifts, letters, etc. And when I try to remember them, bad memories mostly prevail. But I honestly badmouth them infrequently and I choose people whom I should talk with about my pasts.

This is the third time that some of them emerged and got in touch with me, one by one at the most unpredicted moment. Let’s say, it’s like they’ve been defeated in the battle when I forsaken them and they want a revenge by having me back or wanting to see me. It was like that but I was just exaggerating, lol. :D I’m torn between wanting to see them and not.

So for today, I wanted to think about them. I thought about remembering and labeling each of them. To make them somehow official no matter how late!? Lol, no. This is all about- The ex people I used to love and who used to love me Awards Night. This is the battle of the exes :D

1. The Most Jealous Guy And A Little Bit of a Liar Award- called me again like 2 days ago. It was his love for me that tied us up together, no emotions involved in my part not until we separated. We were joined at the hip. After school, he waits for me hours and hours just to see me and take me out for dinner. He was always there for all kinds of support, as how I branded it- he was my own genie in the bottle. But for many times, he misunderstood how I treated him. He expected too much. He got jealous of my friends like even hated me for watching movies with them. I felt so reliant and choked with his over protectiveness when if all I know we weren’t attached. When I got to feel something for him, I then found out that he and his friend who also courted me gambled on me. They bet if he could get me fall for him in 3 weeks but took him more than 3 months instead. This maybe explains his mysterious actions towards me. Now he says he’s gay but the other guy says otherwise. And that he had done all of it to just save me from his married guy friend. I don’t know whom to believe. But who really won on that game? Everyone was hurt. Everyone went home defeated.

2. The Most Liar and Brutal Award- exchanged messages with me a week ago. Although how liar this guy was, I made to believe that I should trust him. He didn’t court me for months unlike #1. We exactly knew that we are famously known as just ‘panakip butas’(someone to use to forget someone else) to each other. I allowed him to keep his ex’s photo in his wallet because she looks like a whiter me and besides we were just using each other. See how fool I was? I thought he was a perfect ‘panakip butas’ too coz he’s an ideal man of most women, the tall, dark, and handsome kind plus he has beautiful tattoos. He goes to my dorm in the morning to wake me up (with his fragrance) so I won’t be late for school. Nonetheless, we fell in love. I felt so loved and needed. But eventually he became brutal, slackly battered me twice, and beat off my friend. He was a former addict and I took him from a police station once. Oh heavens, I don’t want a life like that.

How was he a liar then? Uhm, I found out I was his # 1, 2, 3 and so on. And did I mention that when he contacted me last week, he just asked if I could help him find a job coz he just had his 3rd baby and told me his eldest was 6. That means he already got a kid when we’re together and I wasn’t aware. I just laughed about that thought. So lesson learned: don’t get fooled with a guy’s beauty and sweetness.

3. The Dictator Award- we ym last week. We communicate once in awhile though but I already turned my clock more than half way and I wouldn’t come back to him. If I was single now, I wouldn’t still risk my luck with him. No matter how he tells me I could go to his farm and pick up mangoes. :P I really learned a lot from this 30 something professor guy though and I wouldn’t deny his financial help. But unlike the two I mentioned above, he wasn’t good in showing he cares. Maybe because we were in a long distance relationship. I wouldn’t forget his ways of telling me I’m making my life miserable. And that he’s been in my road and that this and that is what I should do. He acts like he knows everything and he annoys me. But I let him control me maybe because of my debt of honor. I knew that when he visits, it’s mainly because of business. And he covers it by telling me he’s doing it for our future. Duh?! Then one day, I caught him walking somewhere here in Phil and gave me unbelievable excuses. From then on, I stopped being dictated and I made my own decisions.

I’m maybe not sure of everything I labeled them about but I’m sure of one thing. They…all…cheated! If I have given them everything, my whole self, and did all sacrifices, and compromises, would it change the way they treated me? I couldn’t accept a reason that guys are just guys and their beast instincts made them like that. Girls have their animal sides, too, if you must know.

I’m never been really comfortable talking about this until now and I’m glad I dwelled these all out. They would maybe read this one day but I don’t care. I should have told them these in front of their faces. Things happened a long time ago and the only change I want is I could have been more expressive. I'm not perfect and so are they. And I'm glad things turned out just this way.

Oh well, who wants an award from me? :D