My Proud Pseudo Brother Is Already Old

Paul laughing hard on the day he left. God I miss this :(

Paul left for Davao yesterday. And for the first time in my life, I missed him so bad. Maybe because he’s the one who has to leave unlike the usual. As he was walking out from our house, I felt my tears behind my eyes and tried to hold it back. Which is why I didn’t go to the airport with him.

FYI: He’s not my real brother. Paul is just my cousin. I got 3 or 4 half brothers I think yet I only know one of them. But Paul? I know him well, at least. We both grew up together with our grandparents so we thought we’re real bros and sis by blood. We got used to it though it confused us for too long. Yet we are always mistaken as bros/sis even before we say a word.

Paul is 5 years younger than me. 2 days after my birthday, he’ll be 20. And yesterday when he left, while listening to the silence of the house and my psyche, I heard myself howling that WE ARE already old. And that we have our own lives to think about separately. But when did we really got old?

Just yesterday, I told him scary stories which I created on my mind so he would cry and run to our grandparents’ room. Just yesterday, we argue about the channels on TV that we want to watch. We always argue about who’s our grandparents’ favorite. Just yesterday, we clashed and hurt each other with a vacuum cleaner. Our backyard used to be our fighting arena so our grandparents wouldn’t hear us. It was just yesterday when I put his hands inside the spinning washing machine because he smashed up my brick game. It was also yesterday when he punched his schoolmate because he couldn’t make his revenge on me.

But was it also yesterday when he cried to me, apologized and admitted his mistakes? And just yesterday I helped him with his homework and projects so he would get an A mark. We used to be partners in crime. Once, we secretly tiptoed at our Muslim maid’s window to witness her odd rituals. Paul was small so I had to carry him on my shoulders. We shared a lot of secrets. During afternoons, we used to run to our great grandmother’s house to give her dinner. We used to make our own funny dance steps for YMCA song which make us laugh to death! We used to share the same pink-painted bedroom with glow-in-the-dark stars and planets on its ceiling.

Paul just used to follow me to the max. When I started playing basketball, he then wanted to become MVP. He was always in my school to watch me play that he even appeared in our school newspaper! He became a player too. When I started rapping and singing, he also wanted to become Eminem. Which I wasn’t sure he could because he got a terrible voice haha! When I entered drum and bugle club and played xylophone, he also wanted to become a lyre. But I said please, just become a drummer and so he did. When I ran as school president, he also did at his school. It’s over flattering to hear that I am his idol but then and again, I really wanted him to find his own character.

And now, I know he already made his own identity. He does magic tricks which I’m not so interested to learn. He admirably plays guitar which I’m not really good at. He could draw anime, but I sketch. He’s very good in chess that he has beaten my uncles and grandpas who were exceptional in their lifetime.

One thing I like about Paul is that he’s been always proud of me and what I do. He’s also proud of his friends. Whenever his friends go to our house, he constantly shows my drawings that my friends and relatives haven’t even seen. He shows my deviant art gallery to his classmates that I’m not even proud of. He always makes sure his friends would hear me sing once in their lives. That even some of his guy friends began to like me too in a different level. Just like the recent one, but he had to blurt out to his friend I’m already taken, lol. My bf’s right, most who get attratcted to me are immature. :P I still giggle when I hear someone got a crush on me even if I sound like corrupting minor. :D He’s friends with my friends and is so eager to know them more. He even badly wants to see my boyfriend that he complained and got so sad about his early trip to Davao.

Probably what I’m feeling now is what he felt when I left. He told me when I ran away years ago, he and Lola took a bamboo, put their mouth at its opening part and shouted: “Come back Ate Cat!!!”. An old belief he bald-facedly dared to try so I would come back. He’s one of the sweetest. So I don’t hesitate to do and give him things he wants even if they’re expensive. Go home during his graduations. Ayayayayay my pocket.

And as I was turning the pages of the flashbacks I was hearing through my mind, then I knew when we got old. It was since we started to fall in love and fall apart. It was when we felt misunderstood and understood what family we got. It was when we tried to learn who and what we are. And it was when we learned the importance of friendship and love and trust.

And gosh, when did I become so corny? Lol. We’ll see each other soon I know. Perhaps we are a little bit older by then, but we’ll remain young brothers and sisters at heart. He's more genuine than any real brothers I got. I swear.